Forgiving a father

I forgot I had a blog... And here it is! I need to tell a story of something I had the privilege to witness the other day. One of our neighbors' dad was visiting from overseas where he now lives. He is in his fifties but has a little baby girl around a year old. He was married before with our neighbors' mom but has since remarried and started a new family overseas and is now father to a toddler again. Little children are such a great and natural way to connect to people. We spent hours together the past few days because the kids saw each other and started playing peek-a-boo and what not, so delighted to see each other. That is how I got to hear part of his story... Saturday he was waiting to see his youngest son, now 18 years old. He hadn't seen him in 5 years because the last time he was over here the son had refused to see his father but now he was on his way over to meet with him. That gave me chills just to think about it. What a big and important moment for these two. To choose to get reconciled with your parents and your past is one of the most important and fundamental things for your well-being and peace in life. This is something I am learning more and more... As the car pulled up in front of our house I snuck inside to leave them to themselves in this intimate moment but I saw the whole thing through our front window. I saw them embracing on the street and holding on to each other for a long time and I was bawling inside. The next day I asked him about it and how the time with his son had been and found out it hadn't been that great after that hug. They had spent the whole day in silence pretty much and the son had refused to talk to his father at all. But finally some emotions had been stirred up and some anger had leaked out and they had been able to talk about some of their hurt feelings. Apparently something had been said 5 years ago that had caused this 5-year spell of silence. Now they were able to bring it out in the light and explain - as adults - what had been going on at that time of stress and frustration etc. The father was able to say to his son the magic and freeing words: "It wasn't your fault". And the son was able to see his father in a new light as a failing human being in need of forgiveness and grace. I love stories like this!

God is nice and He likes me

I accidentally walked into a New Age store the other week thinking they were selling handbags (the store was called the Bag Lady). I found it quite interesting to look around there for a while on all their books and stuff. What caught my attention more than anything was a bumper sticker that simply said: "Don't make me come down there - God". That sentence left me really sad and troubled and I have been contemplating on it ever since. It represents such a huge misconception of who God is. This view of God is way too common among people - people who call themselves Christians and people who don't call themselves Christians alike... Even if I know in theory and through experience that God is good I sometimes buy into that lie too, the lie that God is the big police up in the sky and that I am in trouble in one way or the other. Last night I heard a talk about grace and the following questions came up, questions to see if you are comfortable with grace: Would you (metaphorically) wear a T-shirt that said: "God is nice and He likes me". How about this one: "God loves you but I am His favorite" These are fundamental truths. The truth that I am LOVED by God. Even LIKED. I AM his favorite. So are you and everybody else in this world, but I need to know that I am his favorite - that is the fundament for the rest of my life, my thoughts, emotions, deeds... That is the thermometer with which I can check and see if I have a healthy heart - am I filled with love, hope and faith? In any area of my life where love or hope or faith is missing - that is an area where I need healing... God is not a threat in the sky that we need to watch out for and protect ourselves against ("You better behave or else... God sees you wherever you are... etc) We live under a friendly sky! God is the garbage man of the world that came to take away all my garbage! I don't need to hide anything.

Power and Love

I made a discovery the other day as I was reading from Revelation chapter 4 about the throne of God. Certain passages in the Bible I like to return to often and try to visualize and dig into and ask questions around. This is one of them. God is sitting on a throne. Angels and various creatures around Him. What does all this mean? In verse 5 it talks about seven lamps of fire burning before the throne, which are the seven Spirits of God. God's seven Spirits? What is that? I have always heard you should let scripture explain scripture. Well, Isaiah chapter 11 verse 2 tells us what the seven Spirits of God are:

Spirit of the Lord Spirit of wisdom Spirit of understanding Spirit of counsel Spirit of might Spirit of knowledge Spirit of the fear of the Lord

And then verse 3 adds for good measure: His delight is in the fear of the Lord. This is all good! But still... As I was meditating on those words they all seemed a bit hard, masculine, authoritative, very much like you would describe a king in those days. They are power words. But what about all the soft, feminine side of Gods, his loving, caring, tender, gentle ways? It was then I made the discovery (in verse 3) that blew me away.

And the one who sat there had the appearance of jasper and ruby. A rainbow that shone like an emerald encircled the throne.

The rainbow - God's love, goodness, faithfulness, loving-kindness, mercy, grace, gentleness etc is all around Him, shining like emerald. He is a king, but He is a loving Father. As He reigns in power, He does it in perfect love, even humility. The rainbow is all around Him. I don't know how He does it. We can keep on meditating on this forever. King David wrote about it in Psalm 62:

"One thing God has spoken, two things I have heard: “Power belongs to you, God, and with you, Lord, is unfailing love”

The Lord's rebuke

One thing I have learned is that I tend to read the Bible "backwards". When you are poisoned with a religious thinking it is like you read the stuff that is supposed to be good news but somehow it gets twisted with the glasses you are wearing and it comes off as heavy burdens when it was intended to be joyful invitations. Religion is putting yourself in the centre and asking what you are supposed to do and how you are supposed to act when the Bible actually delivers the exact opposite message: put God in the centre! God loves you! God has done for you what you never could do! Relax! Receive His grace and love!!!! And from that position a new life is going to flow out of you and your actions are going to change as your whole outlook on life is changing when you dare to start living as "the Beloved". Every word in the Bible is being seen in a new light. The words that seem harsh like "rebuke" has to be read from this new understanding of who God is and how good He is. Religious people (myself included) have mis-used the Bible and made it sound bad when it is good! "The Lord will rebuke you" is used as a threat when it is actually Good News! Hey, The Lord's rebuke is the best thing that can happen to you! Because He is Good. Even His rebuke is Good. And gentle and tender and loving and joyful and life-giving! The Lord's rebuke is an invitation to repentance = to turn around to God and find our place as His Beloved again, wrapped in His loving arms. The Bible is often using the picture of us as sheep and God as the shepherd. The shepherd is carrying a rod and a staff to rebuke the sheep as they are wandering astray. With the rod He might hit the sheep to call attention to Himself or save the sheep from danger and with the staff He is pulling the sheep into His arms. The whole purpose of the rod and staff is COMFORT.

your rod and your staff, they comfort me

God is

the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,

2 Cor 1:3 So the Lord's rebuke is really comfort! He is rebuking us because we are getting it backwards! He rebukes us tenderly. Hey listen, stop striving! Enter into my rest! Listen: it has been completed, it is finished. Your sin has been paid for!

Comfort, comfort my people, says your God. 2 Speak tenderly to Jerusalem, and proclaim to her that her hard service has been completed, that her sin has been paid for

Is 40:1-2 Then He is raising His voice, not in anger, but it needs to be shouted it and proclaimed:

“Here is your God!”

This is what your God is like, this is how good He is. Don't forget!

He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.

That last sentence struck me this morning as I have a young one. He is extra gentle with us, fancy that. Sooo good.

Delight

I have started a journey through the Psalms and what struck me already in the very first chapter was the word DELIGHT. This is so far from religious burdens that you can get. I think I have actually discovered the antidote to religion and the recipe to keep our souls free from the poison of religion: DELIGHT! God wants us to delight in Him and all He is and all He does. He is GOOD. Even delicious. It almost feels sacrilegious to use such terminology in connection to God but that just proves how truly thwarted my thinking is when it comes to God. Ps 34:8

Taste and see that the Lord is good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him!

It says in this Psalm to delight in His LAW. The law is not what you usually associate with delight but pretty serious stuff, judges and punishment etc but whenever we read the Bible we need to remember that it is all about JESUS. God's law personified is Jesus Christ. It is not about black and white letters, it is amazingly colorful and life giving and full of Grace and Truth.

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

John 1:14 God's Law is Love and we are to delight in His Love for us and in being the Beloved. Then our souls will surely prosper.

Righteousness

If you haven't noticed - this blog is not so much about me or my everyday life but I just write about my discoveries in God and especially misunderstandings I have had about Him and different spiritual realities.

My latest discovery (not that I have it figured out, but a few thoughts...) is about righteousness. I have had some wrong ideas in my head about righteous people that is probably more self-righteous people. Self-righteousness is an appalling thing in the eyes of God (and men) and not to be confused with the real thing. Self-righteous people are absorbed by being right and are constantly watching others to see if they measure up. There is no peace or joy in self-righteousness.

Righteousness on the other hand is overflowing with joy.

You love righteousness and hate wickedness;
Therefore God, Your God, has anointed You
With the oil of gladness more than Your companions.

Ps 45:7

Jesus personifies a righteous person and He was (and is) the happiest person in the universe. Never a wrinkle on his forehead.

A righteous person is not nervous about being wrong but there is a profound peace and confidence coming with it.

The fruit of that righteousness will be peace;
its effect will be quietness and confidence forever.

Is 32:17

Righteousness is playful and not all serious. Like a passionate couple in love kissing, righteousness is completely absorbed by the joy of being loved that there is no room for concerns about other people's mistakes or failures.

righteousness and peace kiss each other...

Ps 85:10

Righteousness - together with joy and peace - is what constitutes the kingdom of God. They come together as a holy trinity.

For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit

God's kingdom isn't a matter of what you put in your stomach, for goodness' sake. It's what God does with your life as he sets it right, puts it together, and completes it with joy.

(The Message)

It is not about what we do (eat or drink)! It is about experiencing the mystery of being utterly loved and accepted by the living God through Christ. Righteousness looks down from heaven. Like a playful hide and seek. Welcome into the joy of the mystery of God.

Faithfulness springs forth from the earth,
and righteousness looks down from heaven.

Ps 85:11

...about righteousness, because I am going to the Father, where you can see me no longer;
John 16:11

Power

Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Hebrews 4:16

God's power also looks different than we are used to in this world. His throne that He sits and reigns on is not a threatening throne with any need to show off its power, strength and authority to make us bow down, fear and submit Him. Quite the contrary - it is inviting us. Come boldly! Come with confidence before the throne of God as His children.

It is a throne of GRACE.

I wonder what a throne of GRACE looks like? Grace extended towards me, overflowing, inviting, covering all of my shame, drawing me in to His majesty. His power doesn't try to squish me. He doesn't need to prove anything. He HAS all the power, because of who He is and He KNOWS who He is. And His throne is a throne of grace. Grace, not justice, punishment or judgment. All those power words that we are used to they are also included in God's nature but we have to start in the right end - in God's heart! After all - He is HOLY, different and "other" than we think.

He is sitting on a throne of grace.
And we are invited.

Majesty

Ps 45:4

In your majesty ride forth victoriously
in the cause of truth, humility and justice

Whatever we think about God we can always be sure there is more to the story. He is more and bigger than we ever can imagine or think.

“Deus semper major” in Latin

I have had some issues with God's majesty and power and bowing down to Him, calling Him Lord and King and all that. I am sure this is related to wrong ideas of authority and I have just never seen a perfect example - like none of us has! People, even the most good hearted ones, tend to misuse power sooner or later, at one level or another. But not so God! He is not like us! He is Holy, different, Perfect Love. That is why Jesus came, to show us how and who God is.

Interestingly enough - the word "humility" is in the center of this verse. I picture this majestic king riding forth victoriously, defending truth and justice, I get that, but wait a minute - how do you ride forth in the cause of humility? I am going to ponder on that for a while. There is always more to the story.

Thesaurus

My new best friend is thesaurus.com. I punch in a word and - bam - it opens up a world of synonyms. I use it for scriptures and it has rocked my world already. For example with Psalms 45:11. This Psalm has been a special Psalm to me the last few years and I keep returning to it and find comfort and amazement. Take this verse:

Let the king be enthralled by your beauty.

How crazy is that? God taking delight in a human being, his creation, to the point of "being enthralled". Of course it makes sense when you think of your own children and how you are mesmerized with their beings, just with them being who they are, but I am not usually thinking about myself in those terms and God going bananas in His love for me and how cute He thinks I am... But that is what this verse tells me. Enthrall means:

absorb, beguile, bewitch, charm, enchant, engage, enrapture, enslave, entrance, fascinate, grab, grip, hold spellbound, hook, hypnotize, intrigue, mesmerize, preoccupy, rivet, spellbind, subdue, subject, subjugate

Now, this is the kind of attitude God has towards me. And viceversa. As I am digging into His heart for me, words like "subdue" and "subject" get a new meaning. I am not bowing down to Him because I have to, but because I WANT to. It is not a relationship of power but one of LOVE. God doesn't want servants, or subjects. He wants lovers. Now that is crazy.

C'mon ye people stand up for your love

Holiness and resting

Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done. Genesis 2:3

Apparently holiness is connected to RESTING.
We usually think the other way around in our distorted ungodly ways of thinking, turning everything upside down when God many times is the exact opposite to our beliefs... At least if we have been poisoned with any kind of religious thinking which very easily happens in this world we are living in. We tend to think that holiness has something to do with our behavior and we start measuring ourselves and others to see how holy we are. When it actually has nothing to do with us but everything to do with GOD. He is holy. And He invites us into His rest and the enjoyment of His completed work. We cannot add anything.

Rest and Silence

Wow. I just felt an urge to pick up my blogging again. It has been a year of silence. I guess I am slowly waking up from my hibernation.

11 See! The winter is past;
the rains are over and gone.
12 Flowers appear on the earth;
the season of singing has come,
the cooing of doves
is heard in our land.


I have been sick for a few days. Just a regular cold but it can be very annoying when you want to get stuff done and your body is not quite following your mind. It took me longer to get over the cold because I just didn't rest enough. I felt so much better after a couple of days and then I spent the whole day running around, going to the store, cleaning the house, going to the park when it probably would have been much more effective - in the long run - if I would have rested some more and done less of running around... The best way to fight an infection is to BE STILL and REST and let God work in mysterious ways inside of you through His servants the white blood cells. This became a powerful testimony to me as I was telling somebody I was planning on fighting this cold through resting - when I finally took a day of rest this last Sunday. That is how we should fight every war I thought to myself. That doesn't mean being irresponsible but to let God do His job. Let God be God. "Stop helping God across the road like a little old lady" as U2 puts it in their brilliant song "Stand Up Comedy". That is the most effective way of living. Although it might not look like it from the outside.

More on redemption

Another favorite movie, especially in Christmas time, is the old classic "Scrooge". It has such a redeeming message. In the movie Scrooge meets the spirit of Christmas and he gets to drink deep from the cup of kindness. It says in the Bible that it is God's kindness that leads us to repentance (Rom 2:4). This is when Scrooge is starting to melt and repent from his negative attitude and he eventually changes completely and becomes a new man, canceling people's debts left and right. This is exactly what God has done for us. He canceled our debts and our only proper response is to celebrate and say: "THANK YOU VERY MUCH. That's the nicest thing that anyone's ever done for me!"

Redemption

I love movies that picture forgiveness and tell a redemptive story. One of my favorite scenes of redemption of all times is from The Color Purple. I saw this movie at least three of four times when it first came out when I was a teenager. Still, every time I watch this scene I just cannot keep it together.

In the church I last attended, CTF in Raleigh, they used to lovingly refer to God as "Jehovah Sneaky", meaning that He sneaks up on you when you least expect it to surprise you with His love or tell you something. He is speaking all the time, we just miss a lot of it because we are not tuned into the flow and we might expect Him to speak in a certain way, not so much in our every day, ordinary, messy life. That is also why I love this clip from the Color Purple. God is definitely trying to tell us something ALL THE TIME and He has good things to say. Words of redemption, forgiveness, reconciliation, peace, encouragement, love...

Choices

I have started to work at a Christian school as a First Grade teacher and I am learning about choices. We tell the kids all the time that they need to make good choices and I always thought it sounded kind of harsh and religious because it is not always that easy. There are so many circumstances playing in. But today as I was meditating on this I realized that it does not mean that we need to be strong and fix everything ourselves and do everything right but we always have the choice to lean into God and His help or we can choose to hold on to our own pride and our own ways. I always have the choice! But I might have an ungodly belief that tells me that I am a helpless victim and cannot do anything about certain things. There might be addictions, emotions, circumstances I cannot control. But there is always a choice! I am actually TREMENDOUSLY POWERFUL WITHIN because the Holy Spirit lives inside of me. The same power that raised Jesus from the death is in work within me. It is pretty powerful thing to be raised from the dead but it does not stop at that in this passage (Ephesians 1:19-21). It goes on in the following verses and tells us that this power within us is the same power that

...seated Christ at God's right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything...

Now that is pretty powerful!!! Am I still seeing myself as a helpless victim? Am I still buying in to lies like "I cannot help it" or "He drives me crazy". The truth is that no one can drive me crazy or make me do anything. No one in this world can have that kind of power over me. Not if I get to know and believe in that mighty strength that God has put within me.

Mercy and truth

The more I read the Bible in different translations, the more it makes sense to me. Different verses come together. Aha - this means this. And those words are the same as these other words, just a different twist.

For example in Proverbs 16:6

Through love and faithfulness sin is atoned for

(NIV)

In King James the words love and faithfulness are translated mercy and truth. Because it is the same thing!


The truth of God is not hard or harmful. Just because he knows the truth about us does not mean we need to fear him because he will reveal who we really are, the sin in our lives etc. That is completely not according to his character, although some people who don't know the Father heart of God can use him as a threat: "You better behave because God sees you (and he is going to punish you if you don't behave)".

Jesus, who perfectly reflects the character of the Father, is full of grace and truth.

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

John 1:14
This word "truth" has more to do with faithfulness, that he is true to us. He is faithful even when we are faithless (2 Tim 2:13).


I actually learned today that there is a special word in Hebrew that describes all the love, favor, goodness, kindness, mercy, and compassion He shows us in the blood covenant He made with us. The word in Hebrew is chesed. Wow! I want to dig deeper into this. God is soooo good!

Wisdom

Sometimes I ask God for wisdom and revelation but I tend to pray that when I have something I don't understand or a special problem in mind that I think I need wisdom for. I kind of memorized Ephesians 1:17 but it is always good to pick up your Bible and read it again in its context. Why do I need wisdom and revelation? Aha - to know Him better!

I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better

Eph 1:17

Wisdom is to know God, to seek Him, to love Him. In Proverbs it is talking about fearing the Lord (Prov 9:10), but it is all the same thing. To fear God does not mean we are afraid of Him, but that we are God-fearing people that count on God, rely on Him, believe His word, have a healthy respect for God and His power, not treating Him like He is our little pet that we keep in a box for our benefit and comfort as it suits us. (By the way - God is never kept that way, but we might think we have Him, when it is only our own version of Him, what the Bible calls an idol.)

Wisdom is in Proverbs described as a person, a woman actually, that we can interact with and get to know. She is calling out to everyone to come and eat at her table (Prov 9).

For wisdom will enter your heart,
and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul.

Prov 2:10

This does not happen automatically but takes some activity from our part. There are eight steps described in Proverbs 2:

1- accept God's words, humility, willingness to say that He is God, not think that we know best all the time and set ourselves up as judges over His word
2- store up His commandments within us, not just read the word but actively meditate and digest it
3- turn our ears to wisdom, a repenting attitude on our part, we realize our need for wisdom, we are turning to Him
4- applying our hearts to understanding, put all our hearts in it, all our strength, our will, our power, not just halfheartedly, this is the priority for our lives, it is not only about us becoming wise people, it is about knowing God and becoming like Him, finding our destiny and purpose
5- call out for insight, the search intensifies, becoming loud now, public, it is not just a private thing anymore
6- cry aloud for understanding, - I don't care what people think, I am desperate, I am hungry, I got to have it
7- look for it as silver, we really value what God values and prioritize accordingly
8- search for it as a hidden treasure, we are not giving up but keep looking and we realize it is hidden, a mystery, but it is worth spending our lives on.

Pretty intense! That is the kind of attitude we are to go after Him with!

then you will understand the fear of the LORD
and find the knowledge of God.

Prov 2:5

and we will delight in the fear of the LORD.

Is 11:3

Peace

As I am reading the Bible in English instead of Swedish certain wordings stick out to me in a new way. This morning as I was reading First John, I found a number of "This is how..." statements and one in particular stuck out to me: This is how (...) we set our hearts at rest in His presence.

The following verse is very well known to me but I somehow had missed the connection between verse 19 and 20.

If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.

1 John 3:20

To be at rest in his presence, to really know that there is no condemnation for me when I am in Christ (Rom 8:1), to have peace of mind - it has everything to do with my relationship with the Father. We know that he is not angry, upset or disappointed with us. He sees us, as he sees his Son. Jesus said, as one of the last things he was sharing with his disciples before his death, that he left them with peace as a gift. "My peace I give you" (John 14:27). It is not just peace in general, peace and quiet, a peaceful life, happy circumstances. Actually, he did not promise any of that, quite the opposite, but he promised us the peace of Jesus Christ, that kind of relationship with the Father. Or not just that kind of relationship but we actually enter into their perfect relationship, we are in Christ, included. We have the mind of Christ, the peace of mind of Christ (1 Cor 2:16).

This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit.
And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

1 John 4:13,16

The peace of God will guard my mind and this happens in our relationship, when I focus on him instead of myself or my circumstances, when I trust him, when I pour out my heart to him in prayer and praise and present my requests to him boldly (Phil 4:6). My restless thoughts can find rest if I direct my thoughts to him instead of worrying. I have to take my thoughts captive and make them obedient to the love of Christ (2 Cor 10:5), knowing at all times that I am loved, unconditionally, limitless, complete, no matter what. And that brings peace. Such peace, or conviction of righteousness, also moves me into action. It makes me focus outwardly rather than questioning my heart, asking if I am okay all the time. This peace is like a pair of shoes of readiness and willingness that equip me and prepare me to move forward, stand upright and kick butt in the spiritual war we are in (Eph 6:15).

You can

My daughter is now in that age when she wants to be very independent and do everything herself. Very confidently she keeps on telling me "Du kan" which in Swedish means "you can". (She has been calling herself "you" since she started talking about herself because that is what I call her all the time.) She does not want to sit on my lap anymore when we read books but next to me on the couch. She is determined to put her shoes on herself and buckle up with the seat belt in the car etc. I have to secretly help her without her noticing. When I am cooking or doing something in the kitchen she brings a chair and wants to "help" and I will find tasks that are just on her level that she actually can do like pouring flour into a bowl or stirring in a pot. I guess I am feeling somewhat what God must be feeling when He is cooperating with us. We are not actually "helping" God with anything but He enjoys having us around and doing stuff together with us. Although we have no clue of what is going on, or no concept of following a recipe or where things are going to end up He will let us stir in His pots just because He loves us. He enjoys our time together. It is all about the relationship and He wants us to feel good about ourselves. He is lavishing encouragement and love upon us for our "achievements" just like I do with my daughter and we are actually growing in the process. And this is just the beginning!

Beloved, now we are children of God; and it has not yet been revealed what we shall be, but we know that when He is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is. 1 John 3:2

Sit down

In our culture we suffer from sitting too much. It is a passive kind of sitting that leads to complacency and laziness. We get stuck in front of our computers or in our couches or church pews and can hardly get up and make ourselves do anything because we just get comfortable sitting.

But at the same time that we are sitting too much, we have a hard time finding rest. We are filled with stress and restlessness even when we are inactive, zapping away on our wide screen TV:s or surfing the internet for hours.

In Biblical language, the verb "to sit" does not usually have to do with sitting down to rest but sitting down to rule (Is 52:2). It is a place of honor and respect. We sit down on thrones with Christ. It is a very active sitting down. But it is also a place of rest. We rule when we rest. Our strength is in the stillness and the rest we find in God (Is 30:15). We don't get caught up in worries and fears because we know that God is so much bigger and mightier than whatever we can face and that His love always surrounds us.